Disenchanted Dalliance

Don't look at me like that
You know I can't cope with your eyes
You know that I've spent years
Dancing in shadows of your lies
You are so beautiful
Although I can't quite work out
Whether you're that confident
Or your arrogance comes from doubt
It sometimes disgusts me
How you dance like the world is yours
But your aura is a breathe of fresh air
From the blues and the bores
You spin me in the moonlight
Your bright eyes with that glint
Each year we fall back together
I get that same old hint
It's like you want to caress me
Softly in your troubled embrace
But when my hands linger
You quickly let go of my face
Darling you're so scared aren't you?
Of opening up to the one you love to hate
But maybe our dark paths of life
Keep joining together as fate

a series of unfortunate heartwrench 1.0

You were the first
And since your lips I've been cursed
I remember thinking now this is complication
But you were the first of a whole damn compilation
It was all wrong we both said
But that all changed once we got to bed
When it was the two of us we didn't care
This innocent intimacy we didn't have to share
But when you have the world on your shoulder
The outside world acts as a boulder
You loved me yes I'm pretty sure
It's just you felt you owed your family more
We were too young to have felt what we felt
And really a shit card we got dealt
But you taught me love like no other
And you were my best friend as well as my lover
If the world wasn't so heavy maybe you'd still be here
And together we'd have conquered the obstacles and our fear

Rocky Horrorscope

I like my liquor bitter
Like my deep dark soul
Maybe it's kick
Will make me feel whole
If this doesn't then what?
Nothing seems to soothe
I feel blank yet so intricate
I could hang in the louvre
It is an art this life I live
There seems to be a knack
A bit like 'smile, don't falter'
'Don't let them see you crack'
I'm tired of this endless cycle
Of every god damn day
For god sake oh surely
There must be an easier way
But I've been down every avenue
I've shouted, begged and cried
But all to no avail
Well shit at least I tried
So now I sit in silence
Alone by choice of heart
There's no more chances given
To risk being torn apart
Oh solitude you may seem pitiful
To the eye of the spectator
But everyone leaves you nevertheless
I just found out sooner rather than later
Don't pity me my love
For some riches I still hold
And life has made me stronger
I'll be a wise girl when I'm old
And maybe one day I'll let go
Of what coats my heart in glass
I'll learn to love again
And let the memories pass
For this does not define me
This period of unclarity
But I can't seem to shake off
The overwhelming, encompassing disparity
And no matter how clear my head
Or foggy from the liquor I adore
Neither form gives me clues
To what the future has in store

The American Dreams 

When I reflect upon the past of I 

The happy days I felt a high

I ponder why I felt so joyed

And why right now I feel a void

My brightest days are filled with places 

Beaches, sunsets, cities, spaces 

My toes buried in Californian sand 

The funk, the soul, of a live jazz band 

The way the Manhattan sky line rose 

The bitter Chicagoan wind on my nose 

The sin, the vice, the Vegas light

The warmth of each Floridian night

And whilst I love with all my soul 

It’s not another whom makes me whole

For when I’m laughing in the sun

My crinkled nose, I feel at one 

My happy days are spent alone 

And maybe that is how I’ve grown 

I don’t depend on the hands of another 

I no longer yearn for a friend or a lover

I have learnt that I myself am enough 

For whom else was wholly there when times got tough?

I know I’m not defined by anyone but I 

But Uncle Sam I cannot lie 

For when I was lost and felt alone 

Your cities I found always felt like home 

acquiescent accessories

march, april, may.

today’s just another day.

my favourite moment is the bliss,

of the early morning kiss,

the part where I wake up dazed,

in that moment so unfazed,

forgotten is the bleak reality,

my mind as wavering as the deep blue sea,

I forget the troubles of the past,

the plight this god damn universe cast,

but then I remember the loss, the pain,

the strong, resilient, incessant rain,

oh give me one more day of sun,

i’m sick and tired of my daily succumb,

for what use is silent ordeal,

how much more can one feel?

so notice as all your days rise,

I still bathe in the web of lies,

plead your innocence you do ‘no wrong’,

but you knew your sins all along,

I hope you one day experience this deceit,

for as they say, revenge is sweet,

so take your stand, play your part,

each one of you helped break my heart.

 

 

through the rose tinted looking glass

selfish people like to say

they never meant for it to be this way

so if thats the case help me understand

whom exactly forced your hand?

you try so hard to make things right

and yet you’re busy every night

I hear its happiness that you seek?

my god you really are so weak

look around you, at what you had

all lost because of this senseless fad

if you weren’t happy with the love you had before

I can assure you it won’t be found outside the door

a selfish person once said to me

‘I need to put myself first and be free’

so you go ahead, spread your wings wide

push your unconditional love to the side

but let me remind you my lesson in this hurt

those you think love you can so easily desert

and who will you turn to when you’re left in the dust

ah, those rose tinted glasses will need to adjust!

but I won’t help you, don’t you see?

for where were you each sunrise plea?

lost and confused in this foreign country

I’d stay up and whisper ‘please fight for me’

world poetry anarchy

Love.
Only love will set you free.
Or rip to shred your wavering sanity.
Don’t be tempted by the fables you read,
And don’t feel like companionship is the key to succeed.
Happiness is a distant memory of mine,
My own demons I push to confine.
But I don’t kid myself that someone else is my key to being free,
For when darkness overwhelms all I have is me.
So, no, love will not conquer anything..
and the only thing that’ll savour my sanity and my health,
Is my own unsteady broken self