Disenchanted Dalliance

Don't look at me like that
You know I can't cope with your eyes
You know that I've spent years
Dancing in shadows of your lies
You are so beautiful
Although I can't quite work out
Whether you're that confident
Or your arrogance comes from doubt
It sometimes disgusts me
How you dance like the world is yours
But your aura is a breathe of fresh air
From the blues and the bores
You spin me in the moonlight
Your bright eyes with that glint
Each year we fall back together
I get that same old hint
It's like you want to caress me
Softly in your troubled embrace
But when my hands linger
You quickly let go of my face
Darling you're so scared aren't you?
Of opening up to the one you love to hate
But maybe our dark paths of life
Keep joining together as fate

a series of unfortunate heartwrench 1.0

You were the first
And since your lips I've been cursed
I remember thinking now this is complication
But you were the first of a whole damn compilation
It was all wrong we both said
But that all changed once we got to bed
When it was the two of us we didn't care
This innocent intimacy we didn't have to share
But when you have the world on your shoulder
The outside world acts as a boulder
You loved me yes I'm pretty sure
It's just you felt you owed your family more
We were too young to have felt what we felt
And really a shit card we got dealt
But you taught me love like no other
And you were my best friend as well as my lover
If the world wasn't so heavy maybe you'd still be here
And together we'd have conquered the obstacles and our fear

Rocky Horrorscope

I like my liquor bitter
Like my deep dark soul
Maybe it's kick
Will make me feel whole
If this doesn't then what?
Nothing seems to soothe
I feel blank yet so intricate
I could hang in the louvre
It is an art this life I live
There seems to be a knack
A bit like 'smile, don't falter'
'Don't let them see you crack'
I'm tired of this endless cycle
Of every god damn day
For god sake oh surely
There must be an easier way
But I've been down every avenue
I've shouted, begged and cried
But all to no avail
Well shit at least I tried
So now I sit in silence
Alone by choice of heart
There's no more chances given
To risk being torn apart
Oh solitude you may seem pitiful
To the eye of the spectator
But everyone leaves you nevertheless
I just found out sooner rather than later
Don't pity me my love
For some riches I still hold
And life has made me stronger
I'll be a wise girl when I'm old
And maybe one day I'll let go
Of what coats my heart in glass
I'll learn to love again
And let the memories pass
For this does not define me
This period of unclarity
But I can't seem to shake off
The overwhelming, encompassing disparity
And no matter how clear my head
Or foggy from the liquor I adore
Neither form gives me clues
To what the future has in store

acquiescent accessories

march, april, may.

today’s just another day.

my favourite moment is the bliss,

of the early morning kiss,

the part where I wake up dazed,

in that moment so unfazed,

forgotten is the bleak reality,

my mind as wavering as the deep blue sea,

I forget the troubles of the past,

the plight this god damn universe cast,

but then I remember the loss, the pain,

the strong, resilient, incessant rain,

oh give me one more day of sun,

i’m sick and tired of my daily succumb,

for what use is silent ordeal,

how much more can one feel?

so notice as all your days rise,

I still bathe in the web of lies,

plead your innocence you do ‘no wrong’,

but you knew your sins all along,

I hope you one day experience this deceit,

for as they say, revenge is sweet,

so take your stand, play your part,

each one of you helped break my heart.

 

 

solitary soliloquy

I don’t believe in love

or power up above

I don’t believe in hope
or methods of how to cope
I don’t believe in you
or things you swear aren’t true
I don’t believe in fate
or repression of choking hate
I don’t believe in compassion
or ‘betrayal’ as a fashion
No I don’t believe any of it.
But I believe in myself.
I’m my own greatest wealth.

lucidfer dreaming 

I sometimes dream of a distant land,

where you seem to be holding my weathered hand,

i’m laughing in a way that I haven’t for years,

in the way where you’d bring me to euphoric tears,

the skin round your eyes is creased yet so new,

with that same old laurel glint I know that it’s you,

and I’m like your hardy it’s only us two,

as I feel like I’m getting close to you, it happens on cue,

you let go of my hand and start to fade,

once again I’ve fallen victim to your flawless charade,

in reality or dream world you’re always the same,

the way that I fall each time puts me to shame,

cos you never stay quite long enough,

but just enough that I shatter with your rebuff,

each dream it’s like you’re nearly there,

and every time it’s like you’re back with me I swear,

but you’ve always been the same about my wholemeal eyes,

you’ve used them as a bed for your wicked lies,

but you’d never let them go and find someone new,

you’d rather they create hazel in a  whirlwind  with you,

i’m lucky that dreams make your tea green evanesce,

and the longer I don’t see you the less I regress,

the state that you greet me within my slumber is just right,

but I wish, unlike the real you, you’d stay beyond the night,

I know that is something beyond my power,

but I pray that you’ll listen to me in the midnight hour,

let go of my hand, let all our past go,

and walk next to me in my dreams at least,

as my friend, not my foe.

timeless reprisal

‘darling you’re timeless’

london town, breeze in the air,

you’ve got that same old aura,

that never seems to wear.

i meet your viridescent eyes,

i flinch.

you think it’s still there.

 

and just like that you’re back,

that old familiar glint,

your hands on my thighs,

where you left your print.

but i push you away,

and cut your reprise,

‘whats timeless little boy,

are your games,

and your lies’